“For you will certainly carry out God’s purpose, however you act, but it makes a difference to you whether you serve like Judas or like John.” – C.S Lewis

There was a space in my childhood that I used to play in. I called it the meadow because it was simply a circular space of clean, bright green, grass surrounded by a circle of trees. It was beautiful and magical to me as a little girl. I’ve often wondered if it would hold the same magic for me as an adult.

One day while walking through this bright green and beautiful meadow, I was spinning and dancing and fell across the soft grass. I basked in the sunlight that streamed through the tops of the trees. I often go back to this moment when I am feeling the weight of lost innocence.

Since becoming a Christian I hold even more dearly the breathe of innocence. There are simply so many instances in life that cause heartache and strife. It can be even more confusing when it’s happening to you and it’s wrong and unjustified. Whether it’s a death, a wound, sickness, or strife, all of these things are a great reminder that things on earth are not how they are supposed to be. Creation wasn’t made for a curse such as this. Christians, more than anyone, should understand this. But if you are like me you find yourself still sitting aghast at the injustice of life and humanity.

While laying across the grass in that bright green meadow one late morning, I slightly turned my head and saw there a dead bird. It was a baby bird. It probably fell out of a nest, I thought. And although I didn’t know that bird my heart simply broke and I began to cry. It wasn’t my first introduction to the world of pain and sorrow, but it nevertheless made an impact on me. A young baby bird never had the chance to live. It was an innocent life, seemingly wasted. Now that I am older I know that it so often happens to animals and humans alike.

But perhaps the very characteristic of humanity that separates us from the rest of the creation is that we are being remade. It doesn’t end here.

And more than that, we can do something with our lives even now that can bring hope and joy to the world of pain and restlessness. Oftentimes in the midst of a trial of any sort I ask myself, “What can I do to bring glory to God here and now?” And I strive to do it. I often fail, sometimes quite badly. But I pull myself out of my dark place through prayer and God’s word and I keep going.

C.S Lewis in The Problem of Pain made this statement that I have always gone back to. “For you will certainly carry out God’s purpose, however you act, but it makes a difference to you whether you serve like Judas or like John.”

Let’s serve like John. Let’s serve like Jesus, even during times when we struggle to even lift our heads.